💥 the pub month crash

my dream job makes my tummy hurt

I promised I’d email you to update with final tour date links, so ostensibly that’s what this is, but I also want to take a moment to talk about my tender and bruisable authorial heart.

I’ve been a published author for three years now. Back in the day (when was this “day”? I’m going to say approximately 1983) I’d have had exactly one book out, with another gently simmering, perhaps even partially written. I’d meet my agent and/or editor in some too-hot London members’ club every two months to eat steak and smoke cigarettes and lament the struggle, the spectre of the second novel. “I cannot create on demand!” I would insist. “I need at least a decade to become, and then we’ll see if I can transubstantiate this awakening into prose!”.

Then I’d order a decadent cream pudding and five more glasses of champagne, and when I left the table to do a big horse piss, my editor and agent would exchange pained looks and sigh.

It’s not 1983 any more. A single short story sold to a newspaper can’t pay the rent on a modest flat for six months. I’m vegan, and too much champagne makes me feel like I’ve been poisoned. I’ve written seven novels, sold eight, and in two weeks I’ll have been published five times as a novelist, with six books overall. Making a good go of full-time authordom required me to sell a lot of books in short succession, which is why I’ve been on deadline—usually multiple deadlines—pretty much constantly since 2021, with at least one book out a year.

What I’m saying is, this ain’t my first rodeo. And yet! Every time a book of mine is about to come out I am overcome by a deep and dragging horror. The book is not just terrible, it’s career-ending; I will be pelted in the street with produce, pebbles, shit ‘n’ shoes. I will be mocked everywhere I go, and deservingly so. I will inspire something never before achieved in the history of Man; unanimous and universal agreement on something (book bad).

It’s absolutely textbook, but knowing so doesn’t mitigate the fear, because what if *this time* I’m right?

The thing is … some people will think my book is bad! That is a given! Go to the reviews page of any book you absolutely love and there’ll be scathing one-star reviews that leave you agog and a-gagged. Find a book you hate, and there’ll usually be thousands of people singing its praises. Sometimes I’m CONVINCED they hand out different copies of books to different people, because how can anyone think my beloved Gideon the Ninth is a one-star mess, and how can tens of thousands of people think that [redacted] is even vaguely readable?

Accepting that some people will think my books suck and that’s totally okay has been hard, because I’m an insecure stinky little baby desperate to be liked, but it’s been a very necessary part of this journey. I write books that are a bit … weird. The average Bridgerton fan would be horrified by the contents of my Regency books! Anyone deeply into historical accuracy finds my fantasy timelines abhorrent! A reader who needs the tightest of plots will recoil from my Vibes Merchant ways! And they’re not wrong.

I have to remind myself that I’m writing a) for myself, and b) the people who are picking up exactly what I’m putting down. I fondly remember reading an Autostraddle review that so completely understood what I was aiming for with Trouble that I giggled wickedly to myself the whole time I read it, whispering “yes, yesss” with a sort of “my preciousssss” inflection.

I went to a Raleigh Ritchie (Jacob Anderson’s musical alter ego … yeah yeah, step away from those dots, if I see you even trying to join those dots—) show last night, which was incredible. Between songs he was musing about how terrible/terrified he felt about going on stage when really, he loves his job and it’s a huge privilege to get to do it, and I was like HA HA, SAME. I really do love my job. But it’s also hard on the heart. These things can co-exist. What’s love without a little heartbreak! What’s book release without a minor breakdown! I think maybe this is just what it means to be an artist! I can’t believe I just called myself an artist!

Anyway, those final tour links. Here’s everything in one place. We’ve ADDED a date in Stratford-upon-Avon on the 11th of September, which is very exciting to me because I’ve never visited and I want to touch Bard Stuff.

7 August, 7pm - WATERSTONES BOOK FEST AFTERPARTY/NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART LAUNCH

14 August, 6.30pm - WATERSTONES NOTTINGHAM

19 August, 7pm - WATERSTONES EXETER

20 August, 7pm - WATERSTONES NEWCASTLE

21 August, 7pm - ARGONAUT BOOKS, EDINBURGH

22 August, 5pm - EDINBURGH BOOK FEST YA PRIZE

23 August, 7pm - CATEGORY IS BOOKS, GLASGOW

5 September, 7pm - GAY’S THE WORD, LONDON

11 September, 6.30pm - WATERSTONES STRATFORD UPON AVON

As always, I will continue to keep this events page up-to-date. Two weeks to go! Preorders still very important and appreciated! Thank you!!